Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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