I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Randomize
