soooo we both peed the bed last night...
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Randomize
