Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
