there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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