His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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