I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Let's get the cat blown out
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
