you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
