dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
