k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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