Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Is it because I queefed?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
