If i could tip my vagina, i would.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
