are you still at the devil's house?
Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
false alarm, still single
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
