Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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