He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
