Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Randomize
