It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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