it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
