I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
