You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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