I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
