its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
