Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
