I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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