is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
