well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
