my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
