I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
