Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
