Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
