Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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