Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Randomize
