i wish starbucks made bloody marys
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
