just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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