Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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