We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
