Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
