So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
We were destined to go to rehab together
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
