fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
