First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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