your thong is hanging out like whoa
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
