Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
