i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
