Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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