I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
