apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
