he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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