He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Found your dick twin last night
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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