Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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