My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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