Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
