ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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