can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
