I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
